are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
