Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
