I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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