Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
