I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
