Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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