I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Congratulations! We have a period
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