Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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