Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Are we still banned from the library?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
