awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
