I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You ruined the universe
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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