i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
