Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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