I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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