I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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