the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
