i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
