if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
