Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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