From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
