Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
