it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
