I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
