forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
