Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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