remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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