the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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