she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
