Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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