I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
