marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
