also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im holly from the hills drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
