I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Acid is not a monday night drug
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
