It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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