Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
