we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
