At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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