Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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