before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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