I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
