There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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