my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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