; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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