i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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