The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
