We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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