I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize