Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
