So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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