I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All the doctor said was why
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
