I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
