Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
