Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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