you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize