Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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