Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
do herpes really smell.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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