He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
