just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
