i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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