I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
