Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
