She said her name was "party"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
