operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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