he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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