Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
