Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
