I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize