some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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