just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
