Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
