you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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