I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
