I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
