seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
