What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
