Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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