halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
