I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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