Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
