He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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