Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
