Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
