R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
