Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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