about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
