It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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