I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
