Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
