I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
