Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
