Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
