You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
