Having a random hookup so left but love u
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We just shotgunned beers for America
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
