yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
