I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
