I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
