LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
