You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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