Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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