dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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