I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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