new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
