On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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