After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
