I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
