whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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