whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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