I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
