Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
