Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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