i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
