Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
