How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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