Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
