Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize