We need to start having sex underwater more often.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
