Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
