I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
