My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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