You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
